 The
18 Commandments of Golf
THOU SHALT NOT covet thy neighbors putter.
THOU SHALT NOT pick up lost balls before they stop rolling.
THOU SHALT NOT hold up play while lying to your boss
on a cell phone.
THOU SHALT NOT wager with those who carry a one-iron.
THOU SHALT NOT play "inside the leather" with
a belly putter.
THOU SHALT NOT build thy house of handicap with sand
bags.
THOU SHALT NOT worship St. Mulligan, except on the 1st
tee.
THOU SHALT NOT ask thy competitors if they "inhale
or exhale" during the backswing.
THOU SHALT NOT call in suspected rule violations while
watching golf on TV.
THOU SHALT NOT play winter rules in July.
THOU SHALT NOT consider hackers playing in the group
ahead to be "movable obstructions".
THOU SHALT NOT imitate a stunt driver in a golf cart.
THOU SHALL yell "Fore!" before the
body hits the ground.
THOU SHALL pray for the patience and understanding of
all golf "widows", especially thine!
THOU SHALL restrict profanity on the course to three
putting or worse.
THOU SHALL be tolerant to those morons with a higher
handicap giving you unsolicited swing advice.
THOU SHALL throw thy clubs in non-lethal directions.
THOU SHALL spend less time looking for lost balls. These
"offerings" to the Gods of Golf will be returned
to you in like-new condition on the first tee of Pearly
Gates CC. |
